haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
