so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
