You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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