i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
