So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
