Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
