We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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