4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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