Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize