I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
