My brain says no but my pants say off.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You need a sexual gate keeper
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
