No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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