Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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