dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
