It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
