If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
