my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Panties = found
Randomize
