He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
