It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
