we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
