what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
