It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize