I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
