i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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