you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
two words...techno handjob
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
