capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
