I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
