and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
