My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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