can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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