my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
