your parents love me but you hate me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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