u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
