Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize