My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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