so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
