bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
