I didn't shave. On purpose
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
