her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
