Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
thus making me awesome and them whores
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
