Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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