mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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