I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
