32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
