if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
