I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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