I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I can tuck mytits in my pants
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
