why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
