One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize