You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
