I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
