you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
where are you?
Hypothermia
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
