is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
