Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
