I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
