If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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