Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you would pick up someone in the library
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
