He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize