Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
