turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
