so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
