"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
dude i'm inner monologue high
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
