Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
